Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize