Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
