i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
