That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
