apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
