If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
