Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
