thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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