You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
