Your face is a jimmy john
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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