I wanna bring you to show and tell
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
