I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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