another moral hangover. fuck.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
