You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
