I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
