Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
They have beer where we have blood.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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