The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
