it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
