Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
