what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
