i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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