dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
