My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
