Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
