And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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