No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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