We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize