On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
