Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
