i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I AM VODKA MAN
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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