you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
