Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
