wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
