i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
