Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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