ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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