You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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