the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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