I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize