But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
