The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
