How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
