put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize