I want to walk on stilts...naked
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
