your thong is hanging out like whoa
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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