batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
