The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
