you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
