everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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