he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Sober January is a disaster.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
