Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
