I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
