I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
