and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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