i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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