alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
