If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
