If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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