did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
