she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
