Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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