She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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