Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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