I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
