oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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