i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
