I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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