You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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