this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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