I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
