Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
