I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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